Dave's Giant Pantaloons Give Me the Horn
by Leah3691
Summary: This is about Gee and Dave's relationship and it also includes a few new characters, it is a lot about Gee and Jas too... Set directly after 'are these my basoomas I see before me' And my FIRST EVER FANFICTION! :o ENJOY!
1. Her stupid little nose

Saturday 15th October

9:00

You sexy little fools might not know this but I am the most amazingly happy person on this amazing world because I am actually going out with Dave and everyone heard him say 'Are these my basoomas I see before me.' I officially love the amazing Big G up there in the amazing sky.

A few seconds later

And Masimo the luuurve god is no longer here to tempt me, not that I would ever be tempted. Probably. Anyway, he is in the bin in the cake shop of lurve because he went mouldy. Or is that a crappio example?

9:04

I'm going to sleep again now.

12:45

Vati and Mutti have just landed with Libbs. I can hear them parading up the stairs to come see me, what sort of loon would go shopping in the early hours of the morning with a badger clinging to their chin?

12:50

It's a bloody miracle that they've been shopping anyway so maybe I should just be grateful after everything the Lord sacrificed for me last night.

A few seconds later

Hey, why hasn't Dave called me yet? We should be out and having a laugh right now instead of me being cramped up in my room with the elderly loons [and little loon] invading my space and asking me about Dave. Oh crappio I didn't realise how bad this convo could get…

"So, who's this new fancy man that Jas was talking about?" JAS! Why would Mutti be talking to Jas about me and Dave? I am definitely going to withdraw all rations of mini gems.

"I have no idea what on earth you are talking about." I am never going to discuss my private snogs backstage with these people who I happen to live with.

"Don't play silly beggars; we need to know you're safe." Oh dear and also buggeration and also gadzooks! Why and also how can Vati even say that to me?

A few minutes later [in a cupboard]

You are probably wondering A, why I am in a cupboard and B, how I got out of that hideous conversation. Well, it goes a little like this, I simply yelled PANTS [!] then made a mad dash for the stairs whilst they stood and stared like two bum-holeys and a miniature mad loon rolling around on my carpet.

A few seconds later

Blimey O'Neil's trousers, it's warm in here. I'm going run like a loon up the stairs and put my wardrobe over the door so that I can get ready.

1:25

Ouch and trice ouch. I stubbed my toe. This is God getting his own back, isn't it?

1:40

Pant, pant. Red faced loon alert. Pant, pant. I am quite literally running up the big hill holding my skirt so it doesn't ride up and flash my panties [as the Americans wrongly call knickers] to the world, well, street but same thing.

2:05

"Hey, Gee!" Rosie has her fake beard out and is stroking it whilst Jas is wiping her little swollen eyes. She is also very red. Jas, you fools not Rosie, although that is too very believable.

"Jas, why are you so red?" I think this was the wrong thing to ask because she burst into tears the moment I did. And don't all you meanie people call me meanie but I didn't know, did I?

"She… like… I think… maybe… Tom… when… Dave… and… last night… erm… Jas…" I found no sense in that what so ever so I turned to Mabs.

"Please can you translate?"

"Last night when Dave walked you home Jas- OUCH!" Jas just hit Mabs so now I know it has something to do with me and Dave and Tom and Jas.

Blimey O'Reily's trousers will I ever be free?

2:30

Jas has just sat here sobbing until Tom and the rest of the Barmy Army turn up, she just suddenly started laughing at nothing. We sort of had to join in even though I had no idea what was going on.

"I've got something I need to talk to you about when we're on our own…" Jas half-whispered in my ear, everyone nodded and all I could think about after that was a nodding dog farm.

A few minutes later

Dave and Rollo ran over, everyone's really quiet so I say "Can we go to a nodding dog farm one day, Dave?"

Jas had a complete ditherspaz but Dave laughed and sat down next to me with his arm draped over my shoulder. It felt nice but I wanted to know what was going on so I shrugged it off and started my cold-shoulderosity work on him and Jas.

A few seconds later

No one's noticed they're all just staring at me as if I am a Seeing Eye thing. Which I'm not.

"Okay, what is going on?"

"Come on, Dave, you can't have a girlfriend and not tell her that, seriously, mate." Rollo kicks Dave's foot then walks off to the rest of the boys that are staring at us from another tree.

1:41

I'm on my own again. I hate you God. Why would you do this to me? It isn't fair and it is also cruel and meanie. I'm never speaking to anyone ever again; all they do is upset me.

I hate Dave and I especially hate Jas and I hate Tom and I hate Rosie and I hate Mabs and I hate-

A few seconds later

Snogging Dave but this is still the crappiest day of my whole crappy life full of crappy lying people who have crappy lives in this crappy world. I feel like crap and even Dave isn't making me feel any better.

2:00

"Why would Jas do that, Dave?" I whispered against his chest in between the little hiccups you get after you've been crying.

"Because, my sexy little loon, I am Jack le Biscuit and Jas finds me incredibly irresistable, can you not see?" I laughed a little but I didn't find it that funny because I felt very lied to and hurt. Like anyone would if-

"Gee! Gee! I'm sorry! Gee! Oh, come on!" Jas had interupted my train of thoughts, so, my little chums and chumettes, you know what I did? No you don't so I'll tell you. I stood up out of the bush and I puched her really hard in her little stupid nose. It was bleeding everywhere so I ran home though...


	2. Oh how big your trousersnake is

Sunday 16th October

10:41

The phones ringing but I'm not going to answer it.

10:48

If that phone rings one more time I am going to have to answer it! I cannot take much more! I am on the very brink of madnosity here!

A few seconds later

"Hello the home of complete idiots and loons with useless mates here, how may I help you?"

"Look... Gee-" Jas.

"Oh it's you." then I put the phone down on her to let her think what she has done.

A few minutes later

Why am I crying?

2:30

On my bed with Jas, she's feeding me Jammy Dogers as payment.

She just burst into tears again and I had to get her _another _tissue, I wouldn't have any left at this rate but at least I knew little slavey girl was sorry for what she had done.

"I... Dave... he just asked me... if I was... like... okay... and... well... I jumped on... on... him... and I... well... cried... because he... he pushed me off... and said... no... I'm with... erm... Gee... and... I was... like... really... jealous of you... you have a laugh... with him... and I don't with Tom... like... ever and... I'm really sorry and... I like... love you Gee... and not in like... a lesbian way... I don't even... like Dave... I love... Tom and... that's it... do you... like... forgive me..?"

I hugged her and that was it. We were friends again, I must say I think I am a pretty good mate actually for forgiving her for trying to snog my boyfriend. I was actually really upset though...

6:40

What on this wonderful world shall I wear? Shall I go with sophisticosity or sexkittyosity..? What would Dave like best? Sexkittyosity.

9:00

Oh my giddy aunt's pantaloons what am I going to do? So I put on my micro mini skirt and sex kittyish top with Mutti's leather jacket and chanel bag but I have just realised my feet have either grown like a foot [haha get it?] or my shoes have shrunk? What is going on?

A few minutes later

WAIT! I can hear Vati talking to Dave in the hall! Rush, pant, rush, red faced loon, rush.

"Mutti! What is wrong with my shoes? They're tiny, look!" I held them out but she just had either a nervous breakdown or complete laughing spaz attack.

"They... [laugh, laugh]... Libby's... [laugh, laugh]... They're Libby's shoes!" She managed to splutter but when I asked her where mine where she shut up.

"Erm... maybe... like... you... should... like... look... in... my wardrobe..?" Is the Ellen spreading?

9:15

Finally out of the house and snogging Dave... a quick visit to number six!

9:45

In the fabbity fab restaurant that Davey chose AND [as I forgot to mention] I get to stay around his house... overnight!

"So... I heard that you and Jas made up?" Dave was stroking my hand over the table.

"Yeah, she doesn't actually like you, she was just having a moment of loony madness is all. Don't worry, she won't try to hurt you again."

He smiled, "Or my camel?"

"Or your camel..." I couldn't help giggling as we we snogged [number 5] over the table in front of everyone and WE WERE ALLOWED! Nothing was going to stop us because Davey is my girlfriend and we have nothing to hide.

10:00

In Daves room... I can't wait to update the Ace Gang vis a vis le snogging scale...

"Oh, Kittykat, how big your hands are..."

"Dave, you loon!"

"You're supposed to say all the better for snogging with you with," Hand snogging? "But oh well, oh, how big your mouth is..."

"Do you really think I have a big mouth because Jas said last-"

"Kittykat, how big your trouser snake is..." then he burst out laughing.

Monday 17th October

7:30

"Kittykat... kittykat..." I could feel Dave prodding my arm and it was actually very irritating so I smacked him.

"OW! Kittykat, we've got school, come on, get up, please!"

9:00

Great, we're late for school, we haven't even left the house yet. Hm, I wonder where Dave's family were last night, I'll have to ask him later.

9:15

Pant, pant, pant.

A few minutes later

Dave kissed me on the cheek before letting go of my hand and running down the street towards Foxwoods.

Assembly

I had to sneak in through the back and got my usual glares from Hawkeye as I did. Jas looked at me longingly as I sat down, I hope she isn't on the turn or I will be eschewing her with a firm hand.

PE

Miss Stamp is twiddling her moustache and watching as we get changed again... we are madly rushing like loons because she just winked at Rosie and said "Maybe we can sort out a little bit of after school tutoring for you, Rosie?"

And Rosie smiled and said "Sure, Miss, as long as I can bring along my great big gorgeous brute, Sven."

Miss Stamp just shouted, "Hurry it, girls, we don't have an hour just to get changed!"

10 minutes later

"So you actually got to number 9 with Dave?" I'm talking to Jas now.

"Yes, mon petit pally, that is vair correct. Have you ever thought of becoming a scientist?" I shouldn't have asked that.

"Well actually I-"

"I don't care."

"But-"

"When was your last hearing to test?"

"Sat-"

"I don't care."

"But-"

And that was it. She didn't even jump into her huffmobile and drive off leaving me standing there on the pitch she just said, "So do you love him, like, really?"

I didn't know the answer to that so I acted all interested in the game and ran away...

Stupid Jas.


End file.
